The Saturday before Mother’s Day is always Birth Mother’s Day. In the case of many adoptions, both domestically and internationally, little to nothing is known about birthmothers. In the case of Chinese adoptions, like ours, nothing is known about birthmothers since child relinquishment is not allowed in China, thus causing birth families to abandon their babies.
So unfortunately we know personal nothing about Kai’s birthmother. Except, we do! We know that she took good care of herself while carrying our son. We know that she chose life. We know that she wanted him to survive because she left him in a very public, highly trafficked, and beautiful location. And we know that she created our most cherished treasure!
There are also many things that we assume. We assume that she must be beautiful, because Kai is adorable. We assume that she was saddened over the fact that she could not parent him herself. And we assume that she thinks about him daily and hopes that he is part of a loving family.
I think about her a lot; more often than you’d guess. I’ve named her Xiao (because it’s one of my favorite Chinese names). I envision her as a petite woman with a short bob style haircut with long bangs who wears giant sunglasses. I can never see her facial features, but she’s always wearing a long-sleeve striped shirt and black skinny jeans. This is, of course, entirely fictitious; we don’t know who she is. But, I truly wish that we did. I would love to send her a letter or an email or photos or a video showing how beautiful and well-loved her son is! I wish more than anything that I could reassure her decision provided a wonderful life for him and for us! I wish she could know that he is the answer to many, many years of prayer. I wish she could know that my heart breaks for her every day and that I am filled with gratitude for her.
Every night before Kai goes to sleep, we say our prayers together as a family. We conclude our prayer with saying “And bless, Yeye and Nana, and …. (all the rest of our giant family)…” and I always add “and we pray for our birthmother in Guangzhou”. I know Kai is too young to comprehend what exactly a “birthmother” is, but I want the language to be familiar to him and I want him to always be grateful to her for giving him life. There might be times in his life where is is hurt, disappointed, or angered by her choice, but I want to encourage him to always be grateful.
We love you, Xiao. Happy Birth Mother’s Day!